Here's a modern retelling of 1 Nephi, specifically the chapters about the Tree of Life (see chapter 15).
NARRATOR RECAP: NEPHI has this
awesome vision. He sees the tree of life and all that. PLUS he sees Christ’s life,
the apostles' lives, his posterity’s lives, Columbus, Pilgrims, Revolutionary
War, the Restoration, and finally, the coming forth of the Book of Mormon! He
gets this grand scheme view about what everything means, and it’s amazing.
If only
he didn’t have to go back home…
Nephi walks back to tent. He hears some commotion and stops.
Laman and Lemuel come out of his dad’s tent.
NEPHI: Hey, what’s going on? What are you guys fighting
about now?
LAMAN: Yeah, we don’t understand anything Dad said. He’s
crazy.
NEPHI: Well, did you pray about it?
LEMUEL: Pray? Why would we pray? The Lord doesn’t answer
prayers.
NEPHI: *hits head* Okay guys. Let’s start from
the beginning. *Tells them about
scattering of house of Israel, God’s plan for their people. The whole plan.*
LAMAN: So…what does that tree mean again?
NEPHI: Tree of life. Repeat after me. Tree of Life. It
represents the love of God and his gift of Jesus Christ to us. It’s so incredible!
LAMAN: Love, huh. Sounds kinda like a tree to me. And…this rod of
iron? What’s that all about?
LEMUEL: Something to hit Nephi with.
LAMAN: *laughs* Good one, Lemuel.
NEPHI: NO! No hitting. The iron rod isn’t real. It just
represents the word of God. You know. Like the song. The iron rod is kind of like the
scriptures and revelation. See, look at this. *Nephi draws straight line in sand
leading to a tree.* The iron rod leads people directly to the tree of life. Or
in other words…
LAMAN: What? Why are you looking at me like that?
NEPHI: *sighs* In
other words, the word of God leads us to Jesus Christ, helping us to feel God’s
love in our lives. Does that make sense?
LAMAN: So…what’s the point of talking about a tree and an
iron rod then? Why does Dad have to make everything so complicated?
LEMUEL: ‘Cause the old man’s crazy. I told you. He just
likes to hear himself talk. Just like somebody else I know. *motions to Nephi*
NEPHI: *ignores them*
The other cool thing is that anyone who clings to their scriptures and the word
of God, won’t be lost. You see, the iron rod went right through the mist of
darkness, which represents…?
LAMAN: Dude. Seriously. Quit looking at me!
NEPHI: The mists of darkness represent temptations. Okay? Did
you either of you listen to anything Dad said?
LEMUEL: Ooooh, temptations. Like that chick down on old
David ben Joseph road. Ooo—eeee. She is
definitely a temptation. The way her skirt hikes up her—
NEPHI: Guys!!! Try to focus here. Please! Sins, temptations, and everything bad is easier to ignore when you cling to the word of God. Satan can’t destroy your soul. You guys really should read your scriptures. You need them way worse than me.
LEMUEL: You’re so full of yourself. So, hot shot. What’s the
river of water Dad saw?
NEPHI: Filthiness, nastiness. All kind of gross stuff. And
FYI, you guys have been swimming in it big time.
LAMAN: Ye-ah! Jerusalem, baby!
NEPHI: The river separates those on the path from those in
the building for a reason! We’re not going back, so don’t ask. Seriously. It’s
over. I mean, I know we’ve been back twice, but we’re done. Get Jerusalem out
of your head. Jerusalem equals the Great and Spacious Building. It’s horrible!
LEMUEL: No way. I remember Dad talking about that building.
It is S-WEET! They gotta a party goin’ on over there!
NEPHI: NO! No it’s not. That building is bad. Jerusalem is bad!
LAMAN: Ye-ah! Jerusalem, baby!
NEPHI: Think Vegas then! Vegas is bad!
LAMAN: Ye-ah! Vegas baby!
NEPHI: Okay. Okay. Fine. All joking aside now, guys. You
really don’t like Jerusalem. You can’t. All that bad stuff going on? People laughing
and mocking our beliefs? They tried to kill Dad! No. Jerusalem is very bad. The
Great and Spacious building is very bad. And can we please get back on topic?
That river of filth separates the good people from the bad people. Thank
goodness.
LAMAN: Hey Lemuel, how deep do you think that river is?
Think we can cross it? *laughs wickedly*
NEPHI: You know, someday all the bad guys are going to pay
for what they’ve done. They’re going to pay big time.
LEMUEL: What? Like Hell? *snickers*
NEPHI: Yes! And they’ll be separated from the righteous. See
who’s laughing then when they burn for all of eternity.
LAMAN: Drama king.
NEPHI: So anyway… to
recap. Grab hold of the iron rod, of the scriptures, and don’t let go. It will get
you through temptations and lead you to the love of God, the Atonement, and
make your life very, very happy. Oh, and ignore all the idiots in the Great and
Spacious building who laugh at you. Understand Dad's dream now?
LEMUEL: Hmm. Not really. Sounds kinda lame actually.
LAMAN: Maybe it was Mom's humus. Nasty stuff. That'd give anyone nightmares.
NEPHI: How is your posterity going to overtake mine? Great.
Now I’m even more depressed.
LAMAN: Wait. What?
NEPHI: Never mind. You know what, if you’d just do what you
were supposed to, pray, or even just try a little tiny bit, it would all make
perfect sense. Can you guys just get over yourselves
and do what Mom and Dad ask for once?
LAMAN: Fat chance.
Hey, Lemuel. Where’s the rope? Let’s tie him up.
~ written by Rebecca Belliston
